Terms

Common Terms in BDSM

24/7:		A relationship in which protocols are in place 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Abrasion:		Using something rough (such as sandpaper).

Absolute Power Exchange (APE):		The term refers to a relationship where the dominant has complete authority and influence over the submissive's life, making the majority of decisions.

Aftercare:		The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down and slowly come back in touch with reality. BDSM often involves an endorphin high and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead to subdrop as these return to more everyday levels.

Age play:		Usually referring to Daddy/daughter or Mommy/baby role play. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest, but rather the nurturing relationship of Parent/child or Teacher/student.

Animal Play:		The sub acts or dresses like an animal (puppy, pony, cow, etc.).

Asphyxiation play:		Restricting air flow by choking to enhance the sensation of orgasm.

Auctioned off:		Dom/Domme auctions off the Slave to the highest bidder (usually supervised, just for fun, and for temporary use).

Bad pain:		While BDSM may include an element of (often quite pronounced) consensual pain, there is a purpose to it. Some pain is consented to and accepted, other pain is not. "Bad pain" is pain which is outside hard limits, or not safe.

B&D:		Bondage & Discipline

BDSM:		Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism

Black lightning:		A common nickname for a black fiber glass or resin rod that is used as a cane. Denser than rattan, it can inflict deeper damage and the feel is described as "cutting."

Black snake:		A type of single-lash whip that is flexible all the way to the knob.

Body modification:		The general term for practices that reshape or ornament the body for ritual, erotic, decorative, or fetish purposes. The practices commonly include tattooing, piercing, branding, cutting, and corsetry.

Bondage belt:		A belt, usually leather with metal rings attached, to assist in performing bondage.

Bondage harness:		A configuration of straps, usually leather or nylon designed to: 1) ornament the body, and 2) aid in bondage and suspension bondage.

Bottom:		A submissive or one who gives up control, or simply one who receives physical sensation from a Top in a scene.

Branding:		Burning the skin, usually with heated metal, to produce scarification. Branding can be a part of a scene, ritual, or body modification. The design often consists of several unconnected lines and curves, each requiring a separate strike with heated metal, bent to form its part of the design. The reason for the unconnected lines is to assure that elements of the design do not scar into a shapeless mass; human skin heals differently than the hides of livestock.

Brat:		A bottom who enjoys struggling against control or challenging the top. Some brats are "testing" their dominant, others have a desire to be "conquered and tamed," while some simply do not wish to be controlled.

Breath Play:		The Dom controls the sub's breathing by means of restricting it. Examples would be choking, covering the nose and mouth, and putting hands around the neck.

Butt plug:		Much like a dildo, only shaped slightly differently. They come in a variety of sizes; some can vibrate. They are used for anal sensation. Some come with horse, fox, or rabbit tails and can be used for animal play.

Cane:		Traditional canes are flexible rattan or bamboo optionally having a leather wrapped handle. Modern canes may be plastic or fiber glass.

Cat or cat o' nine tails:		Usually to refers to all multi-thonged whips.

Chastity:		A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, usually by means of a device (called a chastity belt or sometimes for men a cock cage) that prevents contact and is controlled by means of a lock by the partner.

CBT:		Cock and ball torture

Checking-in:		Asking the submissive how they are doing, feeling, etc. during a scene. Specific questions get more useful answers. An affirmative response to "Are you ok?" may merely indicate that death is not impending, but there still may be problems, particularly with a macho sub. "Would you enjoy heavier (or lighter) sensations?" is a better question. In SM play "is this good for you?" is asked during a scene rather than the typical "was it good for you?"afterwards.

Collared:		Submissive or slave who is owned (usually in a loving intimate relationship)

Collaring:		The formal acceptance by a Dom, of a sub's service. Also the Ceremony when a Dom commits to a sub (much like a wedding).

Consent:		Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene.

Consensual non-consensuality:		A mutual agreement that within defined limits, or subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and commonsense, consent will be given as read without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is a show of trust and understanding and usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe limits on their activities.

Contract:		A written-out agreement between the Dom & sub about to enter into a more formal BDSM relationship. It is usually written after much negotiation by the Dom/Domme and the sub, outlining what structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries to the relationship are agreed upon by the two . It is NOT legally binding but should be taken seriously.

Counting:		The ritualized counting of strokes received. The sub may be required to thank the dominant with each count. Example: "One, thank you Sir. Two, thank you Sir, etc." A typically diabolic practice is to start the count over again each time a mistake is made. Some masochists never seem to get the count correct.

Dental dam:		A latex barrier used for cunnilingus or anilingus to prevent disease transmission. Plastic food wrap is an inexpensive, but satisfactory substitute.

Dermal Hammer:		An acupuncture tool which has a long handle supporting a head which holds a cluster of small individual needles. They can puncture the skin simultaneously, causing less pain than a single needle.

Discipline:		Punishment or structured training of a submissive.

DM:		Dungeon Monitor, a person who volunteers to supervise the interactions between participants at a play party to ensure their safety.

Dom:		Man or woman who takes control (from the word Dominant)

Domme:		Female who takes control

D/s:		Domination/submission

Dungeon:		Usually referring to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space.

Edgeplay:		BDSM play with a greater risk of danger. Usually involving blood, permanent marking, knives, breathplay, or fire,

Endorphin rush:		Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the "high" people often get from activities such as sex, or high-risk sports, and is the body's response to heightened or intense experiences of certain kinds. BDSM activities, especially those incorporating a degree of sensation play often cultivate the endorphin rush as part of their "payoff" to the sub. But also see aftercare for the care needed to ensure that subdrop does not occur afterwards as the body returns to normal.

Fetish:		A specific obsession or delight in one object.

Fire play:		Using flammable liquids to create quick, fleeting instances of flame on the skin of the sub. Risk of injury is increased and the dom should be very familiar with fire play skills.

Flagellation:		The act of whipping a human being.

Flash Cotton:		A very flammable cotton use on subs. It creates a fast and short burst of fire. See fire play.

Flogger:		A tool used to administer punishment and pleasure. It is generally a handle with leather strips (cowhide, deerhide, etc.), though can be made in a number of ways in different materials, such as: rubber, rope, braided leather, plastic, horsehair, knotted leather, studded leather, and stretchy koosh ball rubber.

Flying:		A transcendent state of consciousness sometimes achieved during an SM scene. Feelings described by the submissive seem similar to that of out of body experiences and often include a psychic link to the dom. Most commonly, this link is felt as either a tether to the dominant or as a feeling of being surrounded and protected by the dom’s presence or consciousness. Elation and spaciness experienced after flying may be felt for hours, even days after the session has ended.

Gag:		Devices that are inserted in or cover the mouth to muffle sound.

Gear:		Toys, props, clothes and what-have-you used for scene purposes.

Gender play:		To dress up or take the role of the opposite sex during a scene.

Genitorture:		Torture of the genitals

Good pain:		While BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) of consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is consented to and accepted while other pain is not. "Good pain" is therefore pain that is mutually agreed, desired or permitted by the submissive partner to be experienced, and seen by them as a enjoyment or value.

Handkerchief codes:		Visible signs to indicate to others your area of BDSM interest.

Hard limits:		What someone absolutely will not do, usually non-negotiable.

Head games:		1) Domination where the focus is primarily mental, such as humiliation, rather than physical, such as bondage or whipping. 2) Psychological manipulation to make a person respond in a particular way for one's own purposes.

Heavy:		1) Intense SM play or whipping. 2) A term describing an SM toy such as a flogger or cane that is capable of delivering intense sensations.

Hood:		A covering for the head. Hoods used in SM are made of various materials, especially; leather, spandex, and rubber. Some hoods are constructed as ornamentation, others are used as a part of bondage to control or restrict sight, sound, speech (by incorporating a gag), and/or breathing.

Humiliation:		Playful embarrassment or humbling a person by teasing them about their sexual desires can be part of erotic control. Humiliation in SM can paradoxically build a person’s self-esteem rather than tearing it down by reinforcing their sexuality. Real attacks on a person’s self-worth or sexuality, or manipulations designed to break their spirit are abuse not within the appropriate practice of SM.

Impact play:		Part of sensation play, dealing with impact such as whips and riding crops.

Katherine wheel:		A piece of dungeon equipment that looks like a large, vertically mounted wheel to which a submissive is bound, allowing him/her to be turned or spun. Warning: not for use with the sub that is inclined toward motion sickness.

Knife play:		Slow, methodical sensation of the sub with the edges and points of knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon plays a large part in the stimulus of the sub.

Limits:		What someone "won't" do or is hesitant to do

Masochism:		Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.

Masochist:		Person who enjoys pain.

Master:		The dominant role in a power exchange relationship, where the Master takes "control" of the submissive for a large proportion of the time the couple are together. Thus the difference between a dominant and a master is the degree of dominance.

M/s:		Master & slave relationship (Note the capitalization, often used to donate "rank" or respect).

Mummification:		Immobilizing the body by wrapping it up, usually with multiple layers of tight thin plastic wrap. Breathing and other safety measures must be appropriately taken care of, often by leaving the face (or at least the mouth and nose) open. Body temperature (maintained to an extent by movement) may also be affected so a warm environment and warm aftercare may be important. Mummification is often used to enhance a feeling of total bodily helplessness, and incorporated with sensation play.

Munch:		A group of people that are into BDSM meeting at a vanilla place. Sometimes this is a club. You might see an announcement like, "This weekend's munch is at Denny's".

Needle play:		Temporary piercings done with sterile needles of varying gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene.

Newbie:		Someone new to BDSM.

OTK:		Over the knee (spanking).

Paddle:		A rigid flat-surfaced implement usually of leather or wood used for spanking a fanny.

Painslut:		A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain.

Pansexual:		Nongender specific sexual orientation. A group that encompasses all sexual and gender orientations is said to be pansexual.

Play party:		A event involving many people meeting at one location for the purpose of engaging in BDSM.

ProDom:		Male or Female professional dominant (charges money)

ProDomme:		Female professional dominant (charges money)

Ponygirl or Ponyboy:		Sub is dressed in a pony outfit, with mouth bit and anal plug with a tail. They are told to prance or behave like a pony.

Puppy Play:		A sub that acts like a puppy. Puppy play may include but is not limited to barking, whining, eating from a dog bowl, playing fetch, etc. Such play may or may not be sexual. Puppy play focuses on the altered mind-space of a puppy and their trainer.

Quirt:		A corporal toy that looks something like a crop with a flexible, whip-like cracker at the end.

RACK:		Risk Aware Consensual Kink RACK's tenets are best described by a deconstruction of the acronym. Risk-Aware: Both or all partners are well-informed of the risks involved in the proposed activity. Consensual: In light of those risks, both or all partners have, of sound mind, offered preliminary consent to engage in said activity. Kink: Said activity can be classified as alternative sex.

Rape fantasy:		The pleasurable fantasy of inflicting or being a victim to an act of consensual play-rape.

Sadism:		The act of inflicting pain.

Sadist:		Person who enjoys inflicting pain.

Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC ):		The principles are that SSC activities should be: Safe: attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health Sane: activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible cast of mind Consensual: all activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved.

Safeword:		When a participant speaks a safeword, all BDSM activity stops.

Scene:		A period of time that a BDSM activity lasts.

Sensation play:		BDSM play where the intent is to push people's sensory limits, thus exploring texture and sensory deprival

Serpent’s Tongue:		A type of slapper made of a thick strap of leather, two or three inches wide, with a deep "V" cut into most of the length of the piece. Commonly, the handle will have a double thickness with a ring stitched at the end. This is a very nasty toy.

Session:		A time period of BDSM activities with a ProDom.

Shibari:		Shibari means bondage with rope. A type of Japanese bondage, often very decorative.

Signal Whip:		A long stick-like device, usually slightly flexible, with a small bit of leather or cord, called a "popper", on the end.

Silent alarm:		A safety precaution used by players who are new to one another. For example: a submissive, playing with a dominant for the first time, might arrange for a friend to be near a telephone at a pre-arranged time. If the submissive does not call at that time, the friend will be alerted that something has gone wrong and will take steps to see that the submissive is safe.

Single Tail:		A long stick-like device, usually slightly flexible, with a small bit of leather or cord, called a "popper", on the end.

Slapper:		A flexible semi-rigid strap used like a paddle.

Slave:		Person who gives up a great degree of control in an ongoing D/s relationship, sometimes with few remaining limits. Often those who identify as "slave" have a great desire for being of service to their dominant, sometimes referred to as "service-oriented submission."

S&M:		Sadism & Masochism or sado-masochism.

Soft Limits:		Something that someone is hesitant to do or nervous to try. They can sometimes be talked into the activity.

Spreader bar:		A strong bar, usually wooden, bamboo, or metal, with rings or holes on each end, used as a bondage tool to keep a submissive’s arms or legs apart.

St Andrew's Cross:		A human-sized piece of bondage equipment in the shape of St Andrew's cross, can be free standing or fixed to the wall, with restraints along it's length to use on the bottom.

Stocks:		A device (usually wooden) with holes designed to imprison a submissive’s wrists and head, or wrists and ankles.

Sub-drop:		A physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, experienced by a submissive after an intense session of BDSM play. This can last for as long as a week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately after the session.

Sub:		Short for submissive. A person that gives up control either all the time or only during a scene.

Subspace:		A "natural high" that a sub gets during a scene or when being controlled.

Suspension:		A bondage technique wherein the submissive’s weight, totally or partially, is airborne by the restraints used in the bondage. Great care must be exercised in this practice; usually, bondage harnesses and suspension cuffs are used in suspension.

Switch:		Someone who likes being both Dominant and Submissive, either in one scene or on different occasions.

Tease and denial:		Keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity.

Tens Unit:		An acronym for Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation. A "TENS unit" is a portable, battery-operated device that sends electrical impulses to certain parts of the body to block pain signals.

Thud:		A blow that is felt at a deeper level than a sting. A thud is usually easier to tolerate, but causes deeper bruising.

Top:		Man or woman who takes control.

Topping from the bottom:		A submissive who wants to control the scene.

Top-space:		A state of erotically altered consciousness (EAC) achieved during a scene by the dominant or top. It is characterized by feelings of intense focus, clarity of thought, a sense of extreme power or high energy, and/or exhilaration. Feelings of distance and objectivity, as if one where commanding from a mountaintop, may paradoxically accompany feelings of connection to the submissive, as if there were a psychic link. A dispassionate perspective may combine with erotic ardor. Top space may be followed by a continued sense of well-being.

Training:		Either referring to a short period of time (a scene) or an ongoing effort of the Dom teaching the sub how to act. Can either be a playful thing or a serious thing, depending on the couple.

Vampire glove:		Vampire gloves are most often thin leather driving gloves that have sharp, metal tines or tacks lining the palms. The tines are typically snap, or rhinestone settings that are poked through the leather from the inside and glued in place, though some very mean gloves utilize thumb or carpet tacks. Fur mitts can be embellished with tines in the same manner, yielding textures from very nice to yowee!

Vanilla:		Someone or something that is not in the lifestyle. Alternatively, sexual behavior which does not encompass BDSM activity.

Violet Wand:		A device used to apply low current, high voltage static electricity to a person.

Wannabe:		Someone who thinks or claims to be knowledgeable about BDSM, but is not. Especially prevalent with new Doms.

Wartenberg Wheel:		Is a wheel with sharp pins that rotate when rolled across the skin, giving a stinging sensation.

WIITWD:		What it is that we do. A broad term referring to all forms of alternative sexuality.

Wax play:		The Dom drips hot wax on the sub.

YKIOKIJNMK:		Your kink is OK, it's just not my kink.

*These are just some of the common terms used in BDSM. Pandora's Rose does not support/follow all of these terms. Just because we do not follow them does not mean that they don't exist. That is why they are still on the list. If you know of any terms that you would like to see added to this list please email the Web Coordinator. If the term is a commonly used term we might add it to the list.*